I love you

Redirecting...does it work?

Well, that all depends on how you go about doing it or saying it.

J says many things that might cause for alarm, but we don't see it that way.  You might think, that is stupid or maybe he is capable of doing what he says, but with redirecting we are able to get whatever thought, anger out of his mind.

Here are some examples of what J might say:

I hate you

I'm going to die her

I'll kill you

Stop biting me.

Writing this is more scary then hearing him say it.

When he first started saying the "I hate you", for a mother..that hurt the worst and would make me so mad/sad and angry.  I read many church articles and had wonderful parents that helped me realize, he was just frustrated.  So every time he would say that, which was a lot back in the day, I would turn around and say, "I love you".  I would say it as loud as he was and then go right up to him (with him swinging and all) put my arms around him and say, I love you J.  Has he stopped saying this...pretty much.  The other sayings of I'm going to die her or I'll kill you, we turn those around and say things like....are you going to give her a kiss, isn't she cute, are you going to squish me and the sayings go away.  We never yell at J.  It just doesn't work.  If you aren't calm and have your emotions in tacked...kiss the redirecting good bye!

As for the "Stop biting me" of course we aren't biting him.  It's his way of saying he doesn't feel good.  How did we find this out.  We asked him what was biting him, when he didn't answer, we tried other words like, is your stomach hurting...etc.  This works about 80% of the time and we are able to know if he has a headache or if his stomach hurts and on good days, J even tells us that he needs a drink after we ask what's biting him.

Remember it only works at least on J when you are calm.

This morning, he was a grouch!  He yells.  This goes on the whole time while he takes a shower.  Am I scared he is going to swing...oh heck yes...but I stay calm and try to get him to think about other things...like his lama juice or pudding or something to make him smile.  He continues to yell.....Every day when I'm done getting him dressed, brushing his teeth, I give J a hug.  Sometimes, he doesn't like it at all, but I still do.  Today I did that same hug and whispered, "I love you." More yelling occurred, and I repeated  a little slower..."J, I love you. What do you say to Mom?" A little less yelling...I repeated my self..."J, I ...love...you." Then with a little help I said, "Mom....." and J finished..."I love you."

The yelling stopped.